Grief
Anchor Phrase: It is perfectly natural to grieve what I have lost and the losses yet to come.
Dear Caregiver,
Grief is too often acknowledged only after the death of a loved one, but as you are likely learning firsthand, grief can occur throughout the caregiving experience.
The term anticipatory grief refers to emotions we feel related to the loss that we know will occur in the future. These feelings are perfectly natural and at the same time can be met with feelings of guilt for not “just being grateful” that our person is still here.
You may be grieving the life you used to have and the life you thought you would have that is no longer available to you. Maybe you are grieving changes that have occurred in your workplace due to caregiving, relationships that are different, friendships you have lost. Caregiving impacts every aspect of your life and it is perfectly natural to grieve what you have lost and the losses yet to come.
Caregiver, you are not alone in your grief. This chapter is full of tools and support and acknowledgement. Let’s begin.
Allison Breininger
Founder and Executive Director of The Negative Space
reflection questions
- The term anticipatory grief refers to emotions we feel related to the loss that we know will occur in the future. Does this describe an experience you have had or are currently having?
- If yes, what other feelings have you experienced alongside this anticipatory grief? Some people feel guilt for grieving someone who is still alive. Others feel shame for thinking ahead to their loved one’s death. Still others may feel like admitting anticipatory grief is like giving up hope. Do any of these ring true for you? Which ones? As you list those, remind yourself of our anchor phrase for this chapter: It is perfectly natural to grieve what I have lost and the losses yet to come.
- The future loss of our loved one is just one thing we may grieve. Are there other pieces of the future you thought you would have that are no longer available to you?
- What aspects of your past are you missing or grieving?
- What does it feel like to name and acknowledge the things you are grieving?
Guided Meditation
Essays and Poetry
Those Who Have Gone Before
The path which these caregivers and I had shared until now has forked, them going off in a new direction while I continue on. As soon as they are gone, I miss their presence as they blaze the trail ahead of me. I’m glad to not be with them, but can’t help but strain to see what their road is like, knowing that someday my feet will join theirs on its surface.
Anniversary Wishes: Truth Spoken in the Silence
Over time, a silent agreement has been made that our vernacular and that of those around us, should eliminate talk of the far-off future.