I feel like I’m drowning.
Not like you would imagine,
a lone swimmer bobbing along in the middle of the ocean,
with no one for miles.
No, I feel as if I’m drowning in a well-populated area.
An ocean, yes,
Dark
Deep
Dangerous,
but one with people everywhere.
My loved ones in fact,
in boats nearby,
smiling and waving and watching me “swim”.
Why do they not see that I’m drowning?
Isn’t it obvious?
The flailing of arms,
the gasping for air,
the fact that I’m nose deep in water?
Do they think I’m part mermaid?
That I’m comfortable here?
Perhaps this is how they have come to know me.
I spend so much time like this,
nose deep in the water,
that perhaps they think this is where I live.
Perhaps they wouldn’t know what to think if they saw me on dry land.
Perhaps I make drowning look too good.
12 Responses
Very moving….and I get so much out of your use of imagery.
Or is it because of all you manage to accomplish even while drowning? 😘 Beth
EXACTLY. Like I said, I think I make it look too good. Perhaps if I was a bit less efficient and showered less frequently… 😉
Did you know that most children drown in a pool without flailing? Seriously. It’s as if no one sees them. I read this and imagine that you are that child in the pool while everyone is sipping lemonade and pointing out what a good swimmer you’ve become… and then, when we do notice that you are struggling, we don’t know how to throw out the life saving floating ring. And when we – finally – throw it, it would seem that the rope has come untied. I’m sorry. I am not good at throwing a floating ring. I love you all…
Ahna, this is such a powerful image! Somethings I hope to dig into here are: how to notice when people in our lives are drowning, how to communicate with others when we are the ones drowning, and how to help when we see that others are drowning. Thanks for this great imagery and for your love and support here and in all the places in my life!
Beautiful poem, emotion shared. . .so valuable to pass on.
Allison. Gorgeous. Thank you for sharing.
Beautifully written.
Allison, you are a talented writer. Beautifully and eloquently said. Love this blog, my friend.
Wow. I’m going to share this. Thank you!
Oh honey. I bet you are adapting so much you now have webbed toes. and a killer dog paddle.
Ugh, this was me a few months ago. Such a lonely feeling, only halfway felt by other caregivers but not completely because each journey is so very different.